Finding Peace in Motion
Exploring a moment of stillness, on a rainy day in the studio
The creative process is a source of boundless fascination to me. It’s been a while since I felt a moment of stillness long enough to allow my thoughts to pour outward into words. And when I can create that pause, and be in an internal place for a beat, it feels amazing. I can only speculate, only imagine how this process must be for other writers. It’s not a feeling of being blocked, but a calling to express ideas and curiosities through other mediums that maps the span of time between my journal entries. I used to see it as an issue I had with consistency–but when I look into the reasons for this shift of focus more deeply, I realize that I’m always creating–it’s just not exclusively in the same form. Sometimes I need to express things in a visual way, and at other times, musically. Or, pause from constant output to take in new inspiration. Allowing time to be immersed in nature and going for walks outside is great for this kind of energetic reset. I’ve found that an equilibrium of balanced input and output is essential for creative flow to be sustained.
Over the past few months especially, the general pace of life seems to be accelerating. I feel like I’m in a constant state of motion, trying to keep up with crashing, polarized waves of turmoil and elation. My own life, and internal world, have been in a pivotal place of exuberance, intense change, and constant engagement. I am infinitely grateful for the freedom and space that has become established over this past year, and genuinely happy. But, at the periphery of that joy is very real heartbreak for the conflicts erupting in the greater world, and a precarious anxiety that underscores my indomitable hope. I cannot be alone in these emotions–in feeling torn between my optimistic drive to create beauty in the world around me, and the helplessness I feel towards the greater shadow cast by a time of war, uncertainty, and global suffering.
In the presence of that shadow, I have to remind myself that it’s imperative to embrace the good in the world–to love fiercely, live freely, and remember what is worth fighting for. That’s more or less been my anchor through the uncertainty. And, a frank acceptance that there is only so much control I have in external circumstances that are constantly evolving.
With that thought, I’m choosing to share the good. The things that have been happening that have brought a very real happiness and brightened the gray days of a fading winter season. Being present and awake in this moment, I can feel the transition of life all around me. And it’s no coincidence that it’s the turning point into spring. I’ve realized that I need to make peace with all the things I cannot know–as a new business owner who is learning as I go. As an artist whose livelihood has completely transformed. As a human on this planet who is doing the best I can with each day, and waking up with the pure intention to give my best. I’m learning the importance of moving at a sustainable pace–something I haven’t been the best with in the past. Instead of binge-working at all hours for a few days and then crashing, I’m actively practicing the action of doing a little every day. Sometimes, I feel the complex creeping up that I’m not accomplishing things fast enough–but, the things that I am achieving are real. Their foundation is strong, and their roots are deep.
Lately, I’ve been very drawn to making nature-inspired crafty things. As an artist who has identified as a painter most of her life, it’s been surprisingly liberating to expand into a broader variety of work. I’m also discovering that I really enjoy making handmade gifts, and while painting and illustration is still my artistic heart, having the freedom to experiment–to play–is enlivening all facets of the work I create.
I am bringing this up, because I think as artists we can become easily locked into a specific definition of what we’re “supposed” to be doing. But ironically, in denying ourselves the ability to explore new ideas, we suppress our creativity. Maybe it’s a matter of feeling secure in what’s familiar. Or, grappling with guilt over spending too much time away from productive tasks. Reflecting on the hyper productivity culture I was once so entrenched in, I find that I’m still recovering. I’m learning to release the stress I build around my own progress, and to find peace in the motion. Because honestly–the dreams I’m working towards deserve my time, dedication, and full attention. I feel fulfilled through following my motivation, and taking action. I constantly want to try all the things, to work hard, and to grow through the process. It’s ultimately something that cannot be rushed through.
In the event that anyone reading this is feeling a similar kind of tension, or worrying about how much they’re accomplishing through an era of ubiquitous transformation: I want to give voice to that feeling and say that you’re right where you are meant to be. The journey is where all the most interesting stuff happens, anyway. Just keep the pace, and be kind with yourself along the way.
There are a lot of exciting things coming up! Market season is on the near horizon, and I’m working on my first scenic design contract since before the pandemic. Public events are slowly returning to a fuller capacity, and it feels like the world is beginning to thaw a bit. As our business grows, work returns, and the weather warms up, I’m finding that a strong internal foundation is imperative. I won’t know exactly how to do everything before I start it. I’ll want to continually shape things as I go, and new ideas surface. But, I am determined to enjoy as much of this process as I can–to find my own peace in the motion of change.
New adventures in terrarium-making, and the bright morning sun